Home Depot now has self check out? Maybe it should be called ”Help Yourself Checkout”.

Since my two local, around the corner hardware stores closed I am now a frequent shopper at Home Depot. Partially because of my new old man past time of hiding in the garage making toothpicks and sawdust out of big boards. Then buying more boards, making more toothpicks, and repeating the cycle until I die or until my wife catches on 😇.

I was dumbfounded my last trip to HD to find all 12 checkout stations (that used to be manned by a friendly but useless employees) had now been replaced by self checkout stations! Each and every effing one!

So there I stand in line with 3 plastic baggies, one with 20 washers, another with 20 bolts and one more with 20 nuts all counted to an exact number, the part number written on each.

I don’t even know where to start on this self checkout business, and stand there holding up an ever growing line behind me.

But wait! Here’s a 12 year old employee still working! And frantically trying to help all 12 idiots like myself.

“Yes sir old man, just scan the bar code and…oh wait, no bar code. Then manually enter the 38 digit code for each part, hit this, then that, punch yes, yes, no, scan your card here and bingo!”

Real simple. So simple I could have entered one part number, put in whatever number of units I wanted to pay for, and walkout.

So as I’m driving home my first thought is ”how do they stop the theft, and the next time I’m there I won’t spend 15 minutes actually counting each damn nut, bolt, and washer from the bulk bins. Next time a handful of each, pay for 12 bolts and good to go!”

But that’s stealing, grand theft auto parts. Or is it retribution for the absurd prices I’ve been paying?

Justifiable theft!

Then I think some fool at HD home office knew all the increased theft would happen, but the cost savings in reducing staff by 30% more than offsets the 10% increase in theft. Especially if i jack all my prices to offset the loss. Great deal for HD, bad for the rest of the global economy.

There’s 12 machines that took over for 3 employees (they never had more than 3 lanes open) that are now unemployed and receiving welfare checks I pay for out of my taxes.

3 more people making $00 contribution to society.

12 machines that contribute $00.00 tax dollars to society. Antisocial littles computers aren’t they?

HD makes more profit by not having salaries…and benefits…that more than compensate for the 10% theft.

And Home Depot willingly pays more taxes to compensate for the tax dollars lost by these employees. Help offset the new welfare burden the rest of us must pay for. Who needs stock dividends anyway?

Yeah right.

Make that 2 handfuls of each, so screw you HD! It’s justified.

See you next week, machine number 7.